GGC: The Management

Posted: May 6, 2011 in Graduate's Guide to the Company

Management are the only people close to the companies. Roughly humanoid, strangely detached and horrendously, horrible, scream-out-loud ugly is one way of explaining them. Some say they

Managements are roughly humanoid beings under the influence of one or more Companies. Their humanoid forms are maintained by a Strictly Professional Look (SPL) disguise field generators. SPL generators are exactly like other disguise field generation technologies, excepting one big difference. They are powered by indecision and inexperience of the people surrounding them. However, when the indecisiveness and inexperience of the SPL user is greater than that of the surrounding, the SPL generator does not work properly and gives out a non-SPL (Strictly Professional Look with a shabby and worn out face). And since most management is indecisive due to inexperience, they always tend to look worn out and old.

No one knows what a management actually looks like under the disguise. According to some, management usually has a boggart like tendency to become the worst fear of the people surrounding it. Some argue that true form a management is visible for split second when it is removed from the influence of a company by force. Some say managements are two headed humanoid creatures. One of their head constantly gives out praises for their superiors. The other continuously shouts at the people who work for them. Some argue that there is a third head capable of uttering only one phrase, “Yes boss/sir”. Apparently that head only comes into action when the Management faces the CEO (definition of CEO is covered in a later edition of GGC).

Most management are actually EMPLOYEES. They are usually identified as potential management material very early on in their life. EMPLOYEES who do no work but still can get away with it are the primary candidates. However the final selection happens based on a ritual called the Yearly Review (YR). Yearly Review is the ritualistic slaughter of the people who work hard and the deification of the people who work smart (Work Smart is a well used phrase which is applicable when you don’t work, claim others work as yours and get promoted). Those who show the highest score in Work Smart in YR are selected as Management and given the SPL Generator. Some claim that the moment EMPLOYEES join Management, their two heads start to grow. You can actually hear some of the words of the other two heads while they wait to receive the generators. They start thanking the management and give the finger to the employees.

What to do if you are faced by a management in a dark alley. Keep saying the phrase, “Your leadership has really showed me the way”. This phrase apparently soothes management enough to get away with almost anything.

GGC: Graduate’s Guide to the Company

GGC: Talent

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